Back off or the lizard gets it!

The sky, the sky beyond the door is blue.

I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.

When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda.

If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife.

Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana.

What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.

You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.

If I were like your mother, I would be a woman.

Never trust sheep.

That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough. They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy.

I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States.

Back off or the lizard gets it!

If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!

I look like Walt Disney just threw up.

I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.

The first rule to living in America is 'Stop tap dancing, you fool!'.

If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian.

If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me.

Drew's a funny guy. Because anything he gets into, he gets in 100%. Even when we were doing 'The Drew Carey Show,' he got into bowling, and suddenly he's phoning up pros for tips and carrying around 3 balls. It's just how he does it.

I did standup for a lot of years, too, but when you come out as a standup, you get the feeling from a crowd - it's a kind of a 'make me laugh' attitude. But when you come out as an improvisor, they realize that they're suggesting everything you do. So they're already invested in the scene, and they actually want it to work.

I love B.C., but you know what taxes are like in Canada.

I was into sports in high school, but I got kicked out of Richmond High at 17, so I never graduated. However, I still get invites to the class reunions... I don't know that I want to see how everyone looks now.

I wasn't particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.

I'm convinced to do improv. All you have to do is listen to what people are saying to you, and then just add more information to what they've just said. That's all there is to improv, but it's the hardest thing to do.

On 'Whose Line,' we had six, seven, eight scenes per show, so everything was pretty quick. And there's a lot of games that we just got tired of, like 'Hats' and 'World's Worst' and 'Hoedown' and stuff.

A little learning is a dangerous thing

I was in the middle of the golf tournament trying to make birdies and I was just having a blast. So that probably qualifies as having a greater appreciation.

When I first started writing, I wrote a book called 'Bruiser,' and it was pretty much set in Chicago.

I think Cate Blanchett is fabulous - she just shines in everything she does - and I'm a big Susan Sarandon fan.

Our country has had a hard time learning that lesson with energy.

Coldplay I really like a lot. David Grey, I'm obsessed with.

I feel vulnerable because my mind - because of the stroke, my mind doesn't focus. And then I feel vulnerable because I don't understand the world around me.

I thought I was an old soul, and that I knew life, but then starting the real life, I figured I am completely new.

One important idea I hope is reflected in 'The Poe Shadow' is that fiction can add as much to history as nonfiction does.

I think it’s the mark of a great player to be confident in tough situations.

I am confident and calm.

Once you figure out what respect tastes like, it tastes better than attention. But you have to get there.

One of the things that bothers me most is the growing belief in the country that security is more important than freedom. It ain't.

People who work in factories or in the woods or maybe a dairy farm - for years, I've been fascinated with people like that. No pretensions. They just live their lives. I found them beautiful. They were all I seemed to be interested in writing about.

Authors do this for a living, and if you take their work for nothing, you are depriving them of a living.

I actually think the subject of young divorce is pretty funny; I'd like to write a movie about it.

With the Ford Foundation grant all of a sudden instead of being an artist that had made a couple of short films, I became a filmmaker who dabbled in the arts.

Accidents ambush the unsuspecting, often violently, just like love.

It's the worst feeling, coming back after a performance when you are on a real high, and you go back alone to an apartment or a hotel room. People think we sit in hotels and eat bon bons. But the lifestyle can be very stressful.

If you want to tell stories, be a writer, not a filmmaker.

Gwen Stefani has amazing style. I used to really love Courtney Love, and anything she wore I loved. Or Chloe Sevigny, because I really love that sort of classic look, and I like being girly and flowery, and wearing little D&G dresses. I wear hats a lot, too. I think it goes back to when I was a bit grungy and was a skater girl for a bit.

I have been DJing in clubs for years. I always dreamed to be a famous DJ in Holland. And now it's worldwide. You can't imagine. I mean, I still can't believe it myself that everything has gone so well.